I mailed a manila envelope for an old lady.

But she wasn't that old... Innocent? Lazy? One of the perks of enduring 60-65 years in this place? The bottom rung of a drug circuit? Even though my voice raised an octave as I said, "Sure! No problem!" after she touched me on the arm and asked me to drop the envelope in the mailbox another block up and I spent half a second feeling good and noble about the act of kindness I was about to embark on and how nice and trustworthy I must appear to the common man--in this case an oldish black lady--panic about what I had actually agreed to overtook me. I mean, let it be known that the block in question is in front of a large low income housing project on one side, and police barracks on the other side. In Brooklyn gang wars, is a manila envelope equivalent to a white flag of surrender? Was I an unknowing soldier sent over to the other side to say that we're hungry and would like to go home now? Or MAYBE I was equivalent to a duffel bag full of money in a kidnapping/hostage type situation. Maybe there was some sort of wheeling and dealing going on and there was to be some sort of trade-off. Perhaps the kidnappers would know the sacrificial lamb walking down the street by the manila envelope in their hands?! I was going to be shot! Now, I think about this sort of thing a lot. Not this exact sort of thing, but getting shot in the back. And/or stabbed. In the back. Anyway, in this scenario, I imagined it more like being shot from above and potentially collapsing on my favorite piece of sidewalk--the one that has my initials engraved into it would have some nice symmetry. I could spend my last moments feeling like I really belonged here, really belonged...if only for a time. 

But none of this happened. 

Well, potentially I mailed something questionable, but that's not really on me so much as the USPS now. It wasn't easy though. I mean, to actually get the thing in the box. The mailbox was full and I was worried about leaving it sticking out and vulnerable. What if it was just a nice letter with newspaper clippings or coupons for the old lady's sister? I could be targeted for that sort of negligence as well. I don't need that stress. So I took my time and I shoved it in there. It should probably arrive today. It was only going to Philadelphia.