I saw Busby Berkeley's "The Gang's All Here" at Film Forum.

And learned that in a musical you can sing about anything--even polka dots--and for a super long time.

At first it seems kind of random, but if you hold on, you'll see that the song's elevation of polka dots to a pattern worthy of an elaborate song and dance (and probably cinema's finest use of adult voices synced to bow-tie wearing boys, and curly-haired, bottle red girls) enables the film to transition into primitive green screened, disembodied heads (POLKA DOTS!) of all of the characters, efficiently wrapping up the narrative in the most insane way I've ever seen.

Interestingly, this is the only time that all of the characters are together on screen, therefore, the "here" in "The Gang's All Here" can only refer to the whole stinking gang being in the polka dots. What?!

What I wouldn't give to have been in the room when Berkley pitched this idea. "No, no, not a polka! Polka dots! The dots! We'll sing about 'em! We'll get the honeys to hold onto 'em! It'll be a sensation!"

 

It really makes me rethink the patterns in my life that deserve a verse or two. Flannel? A peter pan collar? A fine layer of cat fur? Busby Berkeley pipe dreams?

I saw an old couple do a fist pound on the subway.

They were excited that the A train was running local. So was I, but I just sat there.

I found a fight scene I like.

Kubrick's Killer's Kiss (1955):

Or maybe I learned just how useful mannequins can be.

I won a bunny in the crane game.

Ok, so technically Dave sealed the deal, but I totally loosened it...and it only cost me about four dollars.

 

This is a huge deal. 

When I was in 1st grade I got in a lot of trouble when my parents found out I had been stealing money from my grandparents to feed a crane game addiction at the corner store. I haven't touched this the game since...well, that's probably not true, but I definitely haven't WON since. (Also, the crane game that uses an arrow button instead of a joy stick? No. That's like "Legends of the Hidden Temple" style nonsense trickery.)

I also coached a whole slew (2) of high school girls to a similar victories.

Turns out being unwilling to shell out a five dollar cover to the real bar next door as well as being turned down for a beer wrist band by the bowling alley's sixteen year old manager has some perks...seasonal perks at that.

Happy Easter.

I saw the Guerrilla Girls perform at the Brooklyn Museum.

And by perform, I mean that I watched two ladies in gorilla masks give a powerpoint presentation of outdated statistics while wearing sensible heels.

snooooooooze.

Ok, so obviously, the Guerrilla Girls are not what they used to be...so this leads me to wonder, ARE THE GUERRILLA GIRLS WHO THEY USED TO BE? Like, for real? Did the same people who did this:

1988.

REALLY think this was effective? Or even slightly aesthetically pleasing?

2009.

All this one's missing is a large handwritten sign that says, "STAY OUT" and it would be a replica of my bedroom door in Jr. High. All I can say is that if stuff like this is all it takes to get a paid slot to speak at the Brooklyn Museum,  Cunts In Action should be pissed.

If you get past the gender issues and mission statement and just look the Guerrilla Girls' work, (the simple act which is also interestingly left out of their agenda)...there's a clear reason why this group isn't relevant anymore: it's just not good.

So maybe, just maybe, the amazing, graphical geniuses who started this group in the 80s are doing other amazing, graphical work now, and what I saw were a couple of imposters collecting a paycheck and spouting a history lesson and adding bullets to their resume instead of actually doing anything about anything. Or maybe people just get old and comfy.

One part of the lecture was a list of tips for aspiring female artists that the Guerrilla Girls gave during a commencement speech. They actually advised to "Be anonymous" because "you'd be surprised the things that come out of your mouth when you wear a gorilla mask." ...or a burqua?  ...or start a blog? Whatever.

In their defense, one of them had a hinged jaw gorilla mask that actually moved when she talked. That must have been hard to come by. Also, when they were showing a still of a billboard showcased in Hollywood before the Oscars denouncing the academy for its ignoring of female writers, directors, and actors of color (and then took credit for Halle Berry and Denzel Washington's wins), I felt like I had gone back in time. It's not 2002 anymore, but I think these Guerrilla Girls may think it is. For $14 (for a LECTURE?! Brooklyn Museum, get it together.), I guess I'll be a good sport and take the momentary trip, but be super glad to return to a time when there are so many amazing female artists actually doing things. And probably not just because they're female or because statistics against doing so are so staggering.

Did you know that 88.5% of females are predisposed to walk on their knuckles instead of in high heels? No? Well, I made that up.